Minutes Well Spent

When you think life is hard, something usually happens to put it perspective. It's something that makes you think, "You, know, life really doesn't suck." 

I got a swift kick in the ass tonight and it made me realize how much I need to change. I need to be a better friend, partner, sister and daughter. I need to stop being unreliable and flaky. I have to stop worrying about stupid shit like money and focus on creating memories and experiences with my friends and family. You know, I have friends on social media, that I never talked to in real life? We went to Jr. High and High School together and never said a word and yet I'm a placeholder on their virtual friend's list. But if we ever saw each other in a public place, we wouldn't even speak to each other. And yet, I care so much about what they think of me. I worry about what they think about my job, my car, my house, the fact that I don't have kids or I'm not married. And why? Why do I care? I spend more time dwelling on what these people think of me rather than surrounding myself with the people who actually care about me. 

It's time to stop worrying about getting my 9 hours of sleep and rushing home so I can watch 5 hours of Netflix in my sweats. Now is the time to stop by an old friend's house after work and talk about everything and nothing. Now is the time to stay up way past my bedtime laughing under the stars with family. Now is the time to stop worrying about tomorrow, and start soaking up the moments of today. 

We don't know how many days we get. When it's our time, we don't even get the option to accept or deny it. We just go. And I have this faith that while our physical body is just a vessel for our soul, and our soul can continue to live on. But damn it's good to see a physical body and physically hear the voices of our loved ones, and not just hear their voices in our hearts.  I can feel my grandmother all the time. I can even smell her sometimes. But I still would rather see her with my eyes and be able to hug her rather than talk to the walls and hope that she hears me. My point is, we make plans to spend time with our loved ones, but we never actually spend the time. And when they are gone all we can do is say, "I should have.." "Maybe if I...". But maybe if we stopped worrying about the bills and having a "Pinterest worthy" house and started spending those wasted moments with those we loved, those thoughts wouldn't be as prominent. 

So now what do I do. I can sit on my bed and cry like I have for the last few hours. Or I can change. I can be there for my friends and family like they need me to be. I can start appreciate every breathe I take. And start living in the moment. I look at my 24 years of life, and although I don't feel like they have been completely wasted, I can definitely start making the next 24 years count even more. It's time to stop doing things I hate, and start doing more of the things I love. I'm going to surrender to the things I can't control, and stop wasting precious seconds and minutes worrying about them. 

So tomorrow, instead of completing my living room painting project, I'm going to see an old friend, and then I'm going to see my mama. I'm going to sit on my porch and write instead of watch 4 hours of Army Wives episodes. The minutes start counting now. Because when my minutes are gone, I want to know they have been well spent.