Thursday, June 19, 2014

Sooooo I Can't Eat This Cupcake Right?

"We have to talk about your diet."
" we don't."
"Yes, yes we do."
"Arielle, you are not healthy. You are killing yourself slowly. You will not be able to live a long life if you don't change."

Well ouch. That's intense.

I have always been slender. I have always been able to eat all the pizza and candy bars in the world and not gain an ounce. I never had to work out because I was already "in shape". Was I out of breath walking up the stairs? Yeah, but it didn't matter I was 120 lbs and almost 6' tall. Who needs to feel good on the inside when you look good on the outside?

But sitting in my doctors office this week, shit hit the fan. And it went everywhere. My endometriosis is threatening my chance of getting pregnant in the future, and we needed to be on the baby making track sooner than I thought. I have ulcers (blame those a-holes on paying of my student loans). And I was told that if I don't change my habits soon, I'll be a diabetic.

Almost every single time I am in the gym I hear the same thing from at least one person: "You're skinny you don't need to work out!" Yeah ok. I'll just go home and live my life not being able to not open my own damn water bottles. Or be able to pick up my hefty corgi to put her in a bath. One of the biggest misconceptions out there is that healthy is skinny. No no my friends. Slender can be healthy. But healthy doesn't mean skinny. 

So I sat in my doctor's office with tears threatening to fall out of the corner of my eyes. We have a very small window to try to get pregnant. And even then there is still a chance that I won't be able to. I have ulcers. I am killing myself...slowly...but surely. My doctor said to me, "What you need to understand is, the choices you make today are going to affect you tomorrow." And it made sense. 

It seems like our society is full of emotional eaters. We are sad, so we need ice cream. We are stressed so we need a chocolate bar. We were born 25 years ago, we need cake. Everything is revolved around a meal. Which isn't all bad. But sometimes it seems like we trade experiences for food. 

A while ago I watched two documentaries on Netflix called "Food Matters" and "Hungry for Change". And it definitely opened my eyes of the things we put in our bodies. So I was pretty good for a while and then I slacked off. And then I got worse. I needed chocolate everyday. I needed french fries everyday. I needed doughnuts and cupcakes everyday. And everything I learned went out the window. I was fatigued everyday. And I was constantly getting sick.

So we made a plan. No red meat. Poultry in moderation, and lots of fish. Unlimited veggies and I can have fruit for snacks. Limited dairy and gluten. No refined sugars and processed food. No caffeine. When I told people about the new "lifestyle" I heard over and over and over (think broken record), "You can't eat anything good!" But I disagree. Once the cravings subside I think I'll be fine. I actually love fruits and veggies! So as long as those are in the house I think I'll be fine. I look at it as a challenge for creativity!

I know it's going to be hard. I know that I may break down and have a piece of chocolate. But when I do, I won't beat myself up but I won't allow myself to give up either. It's been hard to find a support system. Most of the people I talk to about it have made it seem that it's going to inconvenience them more than anything. I just have to learn that it's not about them. It's about me feeling healthy and having a great life. And I'm finding out that you don't need ice cream or cupcakes to have a great life. So any advice or if you are going through a similar situation let me know in the comments!

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