Saturday, June 14, 2014

That One Time I Quit My Job And Didn't Tell Anybody

We pretty much had it made. We were paying off bills at a rapid rate. I had medical benefits. I had NEVER made that much money in my LIFE. The perks were great. I was working for a prestigious financial institution. "FINALLY Arielle got a REAL job!" was probably the thought on everyone's mind.  
But, I had stopped eating. I had stopped sleeping. It took me 4 hours to get out of bed in the morning. I didn't care if I showered or put on makeup. Everyone irritated me. I was picking fights with people. After 6 months off being super healthy and not even having a cold, I was getting sick. Fevers, ulcers, sinus infections. My body hurt everyday. 
 And one night at dinner I finally snapped. I had a full on meltdown over a plate of spaghetti that Brody made because I was too tired to cook. Brody was shocked. I told him how unhappy I was. How I hated the thought of waking up every morning. We agreed that I wasn't were I wanted to be. I told him I would stick it out for a few months. Until we got all the way caught up financially.  
So I would be a zombie for a few more weeks. Until one day a very special friend came to see me.  
I opened the door and she stepped inside. "OMYGOSH!" She yelled, and turned right around and left. 
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" I asked. 
"Your house is FULL of bad energy my dear. It's dripping right off of you. It's so heavy! What is going on!" 
I had meltdown number 2. I told her about how I was feeling and how guilty I was for feeling it. 
"Sweet girl. Isn't is so funny how much we revolve our life for what we do for work? We think it's who we are. We think we have to do it forever. If someone bounces from job to job they are irresponsible or lazy. Sweetheart, a job is the LEAST IMPORTANT ELEMENT IN YOUR LIFE! Your happiness is far more important! Do what makes you happy! If you don't like something CHANGE IT! If you don't like your job QUIT IT! Life isn't about other people accepting you! It's about you accepting you! You accepting that you deserve happiness!!" 

We had talked for another 3 or 4 hours. She told me to just follow my heart and the rest will work itself out. So I did.  
I found a job that I LOVE. It's a crazy challenge. It’s overwhelming at times. And even a bit frustrating. But I LOVE LOVE LOVE every second of it!  
I left my job a month ago. And although my dear friend had told me to not worry or care what other people think, this is a lot of people's first time finding out. Why was I scared? Well here’s something you should know about me. I used to follow my friend's advice to a T. If I wasn't happy or felt like I could grow anymore, I left. I always felt like life was too short to spend it miserable 40 hours a week. People thought I was lazy and to be honest, it bugged me. 
I will never forget when I was telling someone that I really really looked up to about my banking job and all the benefits and they said, "Don't quit this one! Just stay there!" To me it sounded like, "Finally you found an actual job, don't be lazy and quit!" It really hurt. And when I was interviewing for the job I have now, that voice kept popping into my head.  
For a lot of people, telling someone about a new job isn't a big deal, but for me it's one of my biggest fears. I'm scared that people will think I'm lazy or irresponsible. I know I should put on my big girl pants and not care what they think. But I do. It's something I'm working on.  

I'm ending my fourth week of work at the new job and although I'm still learning, I LOVE IT! I WRITE everyday! I work with awesome people! I WAKE UP every morning with a SMILE! I am physically feeling better. I have been doing my hair and my makeup! I even wear dresses and high heels to work sometimes!  
The fact is, I'm happy. Our home is happy. And that's all that matters. If someone thinks I'm lazy or irresponsible, they obviously need to follow me around for a day so they can check their facts. I work hard. And I do what I need to do to pay our bills (and the crap load of debt I have...which is another story for another day...). Not only do I work full time, but I babysit for extra money in the evenings and on the weekends.  
If I have learned anything from this experience, it has been to not care what other people think of me. I have had so many accomplishments in this job that I've wanted to share but haven't. From now on I'm going to make sure I catch myself when I find myself worrying about what someone might think of me.  
Have you ever been in this position or felt this way? Let me know! PS: I know this is kind of a "serious" post for us today but no worries my friends! We have a SUPER COOL Disney Movie of the week coming up next!   

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